Riding Abroad, Missing Home: What Three Summers in Europe Have Taught Me
It's my third summer riding and competing in Europe with my horses, and every time, I feel that uneasy dread in the pit of my stomach. As I lay over between shows in France, riding and flatting my horses each day, my mind wanders to what summer would be like at home, waking up in my bed and seeing familiar faces. Even though I have competed here for three summers now, and I get older each year, the subtle but not-so-unnoticeable homesickness finds a way to creep up my throat and eventually lets itself out in little sobs.
Competition days are easier - I can focus on my performance and what I need to do. Any mental energy I have is given to the horses. Slower days are difficult - I find myself missing home and my loved ones who keep me going. At some point, being away for too long starts to make me question why I'm doing it in the first place. Then the guilt sets in - being away isn't only hard for me, but also for the people I love, and now I'm the one complaining! I’m in a beautiful new country, riding my horses every day, while my family is back home working and taking care of my dog so that I can be here. Any experienced or top rider will tell you that riding in Europe is crucial for your riding career. I'm grateful to learn the stress of warmup rings and the exposure to different horse shows. Competing in Europe makes me a more well-rounded horsewoman, but it also presents everyday challenges that are a part of growing up. Blow a tire and learn that AAA doesn't exist in France? That's part of the fun.
I tell myself I should love every moment, but the homesickness doesn’t get any easier. I dread nights going back to the empty room because I know I'll think of my life back home. I know I'll miss the routine of eating my regular meals, hugging my partner, taking my dog for a walk, and being around people with whom I can communicate easily. It wasn't until after three European summers that I learned I wasn't alone in my anxieties and feelings of missing home. Everyone has a sense of what their "home" is, and unfortunately, the nature of this sport means we sometimes have to make sacrifices. My sacrifice has been time away from my partner, my newborn nephew, and my little pup, Copley. It has meant time away from home.
What's helped me is being open to new friendships - in a world of loneliness and feeling isolated, people are the only remedy. I also like to keep my mind and body as busy as possible. I spend longer days at the gym and more time on productive tasks such as scheduling and responding to emails. I'm not sure the uncomfortable feelings will ever go away until the plane lands in Boston, but that's okay. Some days will be easier than others, and when I'm back home in my bed, I'll be wishing I was packing my suitcase again. Ultimately, my dream is to be a top rider for the US, competing on teams. This means that time spent in Europe is part of the dedication and sacrifice - I can’t reach my goals within the walls of my own home.
To follow Raleigh's journey make sure to check out her profile on Instagram and Tik Tok @raleighhiler